“Motherhood is the biggest gamble in the world. It is the glorious life force. It’s huge and scary—it’s an act of infinite optimism.”

When I first learned I was pregnant I noticed something really peculiar. Maybe it was something that was always there, or maybe it really was just coincidence… but it seemed like tons of people I knew were also pregnant. From old friends to new, close friends and simple acquaintances… every login to Facebook yielded a new announcement. This was both comforting and scary. I knew personally what I was feeling and going through but I wondered about everyone else. Once these pregnancies turned into real life babies, my curiosity was peaked about how everyone else was doing. Humans weren’t designed to be alone, especially after having babies. I wrote this blog about my conversations with 4 other new moms who all had babies around the same time as me and let me tell you, they were all extremely different. The purpose of this post is right there in the title… gaining perspective.

Meet, Megan, Liz, Samantha and Serinna and their perfect babes!

Megan had TWINS Avery and Nixon on April 14th, 2017. “Nixon James is our little fuss bucket. He LOVES to be held, hear his own vocals, and busts out of his swaddles every change he gets! Avery Joy is our little cuddle bug. She is SO angelic, has the girliest cry and LOVES her naps.”

Liz had a baby girl named Alani on March 7th, 2017.  “Alani was born via vaginal delivery at 8lbs 2oz and 20.5 inches long. She was born with a head full of dark hair (explains my heartburn), and big blue eyes. She is half Mexican and half White. Alani enjoys breaking all the rules for newborns’ sleep: co-sleeping, sleeping on her belly and sleeping on pillows with comforter.”

Samantha had sweet little Madelyn on February 21st, 2017. “Madelyn is such an awesome baby, she’s happy all the time and sleeps through the night already! She’s also incredibly loved as she’s the only grandchild on both sides.”

Serinna had baby Stella on April 1st, 2017. “Stella Kailey Eason was 20 inches and 7lb 5oz. She came two weeks early. My original due date was April 16th.”

I asked each of the Mamas 6 questions. From each one I chose one or two ladies’ responses that struck me the most.

Question 1: Your Pregancy 

Megan:  “Rough. Being pregnant with twins was the hardest experience I’ve ever gone through. The pain was unbearable most days, the nights were long and restless, and the emotions were INSANE. I was amazed that we made it full term at 38 weeks because most days I had no idea how I’d make it another hour! VERY thankful we had an uneventful and smooth pregnancy!”

Okay I thought my pregnancy was difficult…. Megan did times two! Carrying those twins sounds like it was labor in itself for her. The full body hijacking that is commonly known as pregnancy is just the preparation for what happens to your body physically and emotionally postpartum. I guess it doesn’t matter how you’d hoped your pregnancy would feel-were not in charge anymore andnwe won’t be in charge for a long time…

Question 2: Labor & Delivery

Serinna: “My husband and I went to birthing classes and I had this idea of what I wanted my “birth plan” to be. My sister would literally laugh at me when I told her because she knew that everything could change quickly. When I found out I had to be induced two weeks early due to having a high leak in my abiotic sac I was shocked and overwhelmed. We walked into the hospital to get checked and found out I would be getting induced and having the baby within 24 hours. They started the medication as soon as I got in. I got NO sleep in the hospital that night because I was so upset I had to even be there. My husband, mom and sister all came down and stayed with me that night. The next morning I asked the doctor if I could shower and eat something small before we started the potocin. The shower was the game changer for me. I started getting mentally prepared to deliver my baby girl. My body was not contracting on its own so I pulled out all my techniques from me birthing class with the potocin. I am a very active person and I did not want to just lay in my bed and wait. I started doing a circuit around the hospital (10 minute walk, 50 squats, rocking chair, stair walks). After 3 ½ hours of doing this I asked them to check me and I was dilated to a seven. I got an epidural and then slept for two hours. The doctor checked me and I was at a 10 ready to start pushing. They started getting everything set up. I turned my reggae music up put some lavender in my diffuser and started to get ready. I pushed for 15 minutes and then baby Stella was out! I had little to no pain because of the epidural. I feel lucky this time around that everything went smoothly.”

Every labor and delivery is different. What struck me about Serinna’s story is how she maintained her organization and composure even when things didn’t go how she thought they should. Although the beginning of her labor was brought on unnexpectedly and abrupt, Serinna still had a plan. From the music to the scent in the room, she knew how she wanted her birth to go and she did a pretty good job of making it happen! 

Question 3: Meeting Your Baby: 

Liz: “I did not want to hold her. I absolutely LOVE my child and cannot put her down now, but after delivery, I was in so much pain that I just wanted to shower and rest. When they handed her to me I really wanted to ask them to give her to Rene instead. I felt guilty and like I was a horrible mother, because I didn’t experience that delivery moment you always see people capture in photos. After receiving pain medication and cleaning up a little, I didn’t want anyone else to hold her. I kept saying “We get to keep her?.. she’s ours?.. like forever?!” and I was completely obsessed after that.”

I admire Liz so much for writing this response so honestly. As first time moms we have no idea what will really happen and how we will really feel. Most of us spent months of our pregnancy reading blogs and listicles about how everyone else’s experiences were. The fear and insecurity is rarely brought up which makes emotions like this hard to fathom. I felt similar after my traumatizing labor and delivery. We want and need time to breath and soak in what we have just been through and as soon as you experience a little relief BAM there’s a squirmy and screaming infant on your chest. Hello motherhood. 

Question 4: The First Week

Samantha: “Not as planned. Nursing was going great in the hospital, but as soon as we got home she wasn’t nursing as well and by the next morning was dehydrated and inconsolable, as well as very jaundicey. We were admitted to phoenix children’s hospital for three days the day we got home from St. Joseph’s, where she was born. So we ended up spending her first week in hospitals trying to do as much skin-to-skin as we could when she wasn’t under the blue lights for her jaundice. They ran a ton of tests, which involved multiple needle pokes and blood draws, including a spinal tap on my 4 day old. It was incredibly scary and took more strength to get through those three days than I ever thought I could have. I still don’t know how I did it.”

For 9 months we grow these babies and wonder about every little thing. What will they look like? How will they sound? What will I feel? And most importantly: Will they be healthy? As I’ve said a million times already, being a new mom is no cake walk. Take all of the normal stresses, fears and challenges with new parenting and sprinkle on a sick newborn who neees to be admitted to the hospital. That’s a hell of a lot for someone to go through, especially considering Mom just birthed this baby. Samantha went through every parents biggest fear of “Will my baby be healthy?”. Her last remark about still not knowing how she did it is so powerful. It sheds light on the changes mom immediately experience…the moment we become superhuman. 

Question 5: Being a Mom

Samantha: “This is the hardest one to answer because I don’t think words describe it. For me, it’s hard to remember what it was like to not be a mom. Almost as if being a mom was who I was supposed to be my whole life, and now that I finally have her, nothing before that was real. I love everything about it- her smell, the snuggles, and getting to see her learn new things every day. Its hard as F sometimes, that’s for sure. And there are certainly tears and frustrations. But I forget about them just as quickly as they come and its all 100% worth it.”

Serinna: “When you are pregnant everyone tells you being a mom is like no other experience. They were not lying. Being a mom has completely changed the way my husband and I live our lives and for the better. We now have a daughter that is our number one priority and the love of our lives right now. It a different love then the love you have for your husband, family, and friends. It’s a love that you honestly can’t explain until you experience it.”

Question 6: All the Advice 

Megan: “Overwhelming. All the advice I received throughout my pregnancy was 80% negative and 20% positive. I mostly got “TWINS?!?! You’ll never sleep again!” I really had to bite my tongue most days with all the “advice” I was receiving.  As for my advice, enjoy every single minute of motherhood. It flies by! Our littles are already 2 weeks old and I’m in utter SHOCK that 2 weeks have passed!! Be patient. It gets SO overwhelming and you’ll be running on little to no sleep but I hear it will get easier, and you’ll wish these days back. Enjoy it while it lasts!”

Liz: “I love hearing about other people’s experiences, but if I don’t ask for your advice PLEASE do not give it to me. My child is happy, healthy and she sleeps through the night. She is already hitting milestones that are not common for babies her age. She is such a great baby, and yet I have heard it all since becoming a mother. “If you don’t wear shoes, you will lose your breastmilk. Alani sneezes because she’s cold or needs a diaper change. Alani has bumps on her face because you kiss her. You can’t take her outside until her soft spot heals.” All the advice and comments on my parenting led me to self-doubt. It didn’t last long, but no mother should feel that way. Luckily, I am now able to laugh or ignore things that are said.”

So why talk with these ladies and know all about them and their babies? Why blog it? Because it’s vital. Survival as a new mom is hard enough. Knowing there’s other moms, friends and strangers with varying experiences is one thing- but actually learning about them and understanding it is another. One of the most important things for a new child to thrive is community. Community means something different to everyone, but I think community means the people you surround yourself with, not just where you live. I find community in these ladies posts, pictures, stories and blogs. How does it apply to you, the reader? I’m not sure. I think whether you have kids or not I know this much; empathy is important, grace is a gift, and support is a necessity. That’s not just for new moms, but for the dads and everyone else in our ever changing lives. So maybe this post means nothing, maybe it means everything, my only hope is that you gained perspective. The next time you meet a pregnant lady or a new mom remember these stories and think of these women. Remind yourself that  although we are all different, we’re actually all the same and we’re all in this together.

Thanks for reading!

-RTTP

PS: Samantha has an amazing story of motherhood so far, check our her blog called “Golden Heart Mommy” here. Liz also writes a blog called “Unplugged Purpose”, check it out here.